How to Handle Toxic Relationships at the Workplace?

Recently, there have been several news reports of young Indian techies suffering severe health ailments like cardiac arrests, mental break-downs, stomach ulcers, psychological problems and even death. This situation is alarming but why is this happening all of a sudden? The technical workplace is stressful as it is with the pressure to stay ahead.
Chander was a 24-year-old techie working for an internationally reputed company in Chennai. He was a part of a project management team. Anytime he got off, he slept as his co-workers and boss dumped their workload on him. This was because he was competent, single and therefore had time-a common reason given in Indian society for overworking single people.
Even if Chander was at home, he was constantly hounded by phone calls. One day, Chander dropped dead from a massive heart attack which according to doctors was due to his high stress levels because he overworked and didn't get enough rest.
The problem with Chander and many techies like him is the inability to identify toxic colleagues and handle toxic relationships in the workplace.
All workplaces have toxic people but how do we identify toxic personalities in the workplace? It is pretty easy if you observe people at work. The most common toxic personalities at work are as follows.
#1 The Needer
This type of person can be a drain on your energy as they act like helpless little babies who dump all their frustrations on you. They balance it by claiming you are the ‘know it all' and that only you can help them with work. While it might be flattering in the beginning, you'll soon realize this person is just using you to get the job done. It might come as a rude shock to you when this person gets a promotion even though you did all the work.
How to Identify: Their conversations will be constantly about them-their problems, the things they did or didn't do, etc, and the tears will start. They will also try to claim in private that you are the superior brain and wish their life had been like yours!
How to Handle: Never ever give advice to such people as this will make them realize that you are lending a sympathetic ear and they will continue to dump their frustrations on you that you will end up fatigued. Instead, listen with detachment if it is your boss and ignore if it is a co-worker and ask them to excuse you as you have unfinished work to do. If they realize that you are not ‘really' listening, they'll move on.
#2 The Gossip
The gossip is the opposite of the needer in that they will never share any personal information about themselves. They enjoy talking about others in the workplace, be it the boss's personal life or blunder made by a co-worker.
How to identify: Each workplace has this personality. They will tell you stories about others and the latest "scoop" in the office is the prime way they draw attention to themselves. They might seem fun at first but they are truly dangerous.
How to handle: Stay away from this kind of person. Remember if they can talk about others, they won't think twice talking about you. If they continue to pop up in your cubicle, ask them about their personal life and see how fast they go away.
#3 The Switch
This person would try to control everything and allows no free thinking. The attitude of such a person would be "I'm always right" (ON) or "You are wrong if you don't copy me" (OFF). This person will create stress as they try to control you in the workplace making you feel like an inferior or a slave.
How to Identify: This person could be a co-worker who doesn't command respect but demands it. They generally tell everyone around them what to do and exactly how to do it. Especially, at team meetings, they tend to shoot others suggestions down and claim that they know best because the company wants it that way! They take up the role of the boss even though they are your co-worker.
How to Handle: Refrain from asking for advice or yielding to unreasonable demands and rules of the switch. If you give in once, you'll end up being controlled by this person forever. Don't defer to this type of person but assert yourself without being aggressive.
#4 The Constant Critic
This work colleague will act as if they are your best friend in private and claim they are benign critics and say they are doing this for your own good! Sadly, they truly believe it too. However, this person gets her/his self-esteem from publicly humiliating others in order to validate their own self-worth and competence.
How to Identify: This person can be a colleague who makes fun of your ideas or constantly challenges the validity of your opinion and ends up humiliating you at the workplace. It can be exhausting to have a conversation with them as they will constantly try to project themselves as superior! They will criticize everything you do publicly and justify it by saying in private that they truly have your best interests at heart!
How to Handle: These people are hazardous to your health. listen. Avoid such people and if they cannot be avoided, smile and remain detached in public while they go on their negative rant!
#5 The Guilt Monger
As the name suggests, these people specialize in making you feel bad. They will latch on to something they helped you in the past for you and keep repeating it to make you do their work for them.
How to Identify: This person is usually a colleague or a boss who asks you to cover for them at the workplace while they take time off for a family vacation or ask you to complete their part of the project as well by demanding that you owe them one.
How to Handle: Tell them that while you appreciate what they had done for you in the past, you had more than repaid them by helping them with another project or task and the ‘I owe you one' has been settled.
Apart from the betrayer, backstabber, and blamer, these are the other toxic personalities in your workplace. It could be a work-dumping colleague, a switch boss who demands you submit your project on a deadline and then sits on it or a co-worker who gossips about you behind your back! As if there is not enough stress in the technical workplace, toxic relationships only add to this stress.
Every organization has its share of such toxic people. You cannot avoid them all. Getting angry or upset will only boomerang and lead to feelings of guilt, inferiority, or shame. The biggest mistake most techies make is in thinking they can change these toxic people's behavior. Truth is you can only change your behavior towards them. So live a healthy life, learn how to identify, and handle toxic relationships in the workplace, so you don't end up like Chander. n
66 | October 31, 2012 visit www.dqindia.com DATAQUEST | A CyberMedia Publication