Am I Male?

One of the Guys-Oh Brother!

While doing my undergrad in mechanical engineering, I was the only girl in a
class of 67.  I had wonderful
classmates with just one problem, they just would pretend I'm a guy and call
me 'thambi', which means younger brother in Tamil. I realized that they felt
more comfortable thinking of me as one of the guys than as a female. But I could
never really understand exactly why thinking of me as a male made them feel more
comfortable, while interacting with me. I didn't look, dress or act like a
guy. I was happy being a girl and wasn't too comfortable when addressed as
brother. So, when I asked some of my classmates why they insisted on calling me
brother, I was actually surprised by their answers. According to some, since I
had taken up a 'male' field, they felt I would actually enjoy being one of
the guys as only guys were smart in mechanical engineering!
They thought they were actually paying me a compliment by accepting me as
one of the guys! Others said, they preferred thinking of me as a guy, so they
could be 'themselves'. The answers surprised me for I enjoyed being the only
woman in the class, though at times it did get lonely. Being smart in
mathematics and engineering and being a woman was never something that I
considered mutually exclusive. But I was always proud to be a woman. If men are
suppose to be more intelligent and better in engineering, does it mean that
below all external appearances I am actually a man? I began to wonder if I was
some weird she-man creature. No! maybe I was an alien from outer space!

Victims of Stereotypes

We are all individuals. Unfortunately the 'Men are from Mars and Women are
from Venus' theory has done most of the society in. Broad statements about how
females and males differ socially are just that-statements that are not
intended to be useful in dealing with an individual. Simply put, not all women
are great at cooking or bad in engineering just as not all men are great with
finances or bad at cooking. As long as we keep that in mind before labeling
someone, we would be fine and would be able to treat a person based on their
ability than according to their gender or their so called or rather
'perceived' need.

Most men in the technical field have been raised on social
stereotypes and this includes my classmates from college. As a result, they end
up with a notion that a girl or a woman who can do things better in the so
called 'male' fields (again a social stereotype introduced by society and is
not really true) will have be to be more like a guy than a girl.

It is listening to the stereotypes that have us questioning
who we are or what we are capable of as opposed to seeing for others and
ourselves, what we are good at.

In my third year I decided that I couldn't play the
'guy' any longer as it was consuming all my energy and I had forgotten why I
had taken mechanical engineering in the first place, which was because I enjoyed
it. I was proud to be a woman, even though it was lonely most of the times. I
still see the pattern repeated today in many perceived 'male only' areas of
technology where the woman is treated as one of the guys except when it comes to
getting coffee or donuts.

Women who are currently struggling with it need to let
their colleagues know that they are not comfortable being treated as 'one of
guys' when it comes to work, and as a 'secretary' during lunch breaks. If
you don't speak up, your colleagues will never realize that you don't like
doing it. Use humor or be smart. A friend of mine, a senior software executive
was requested to fetch some coffee at a board meeting where she was the only
woman. She did, but by calling up the office assistant and asking for 10 cups of
coffee to be brought to the conference room. She smiled and asked, “Will that
be all gentlemen?” Many in the boardroom were taken aback, but they got the
point and she was never asked to get coffee or snacks again.

Remember, the lesson is simple. A woman technical
professional is neither one of the guys nor a peon. A female colleague who does
the same job is entitled to the same privileges, pay and respect irrespective of
her gender. 

For the guys reading this, don't feel sorry for the girl
in your class. She is capable and she made a choice to be there. For the girls
reading this, remember you are not a she-male, but a woman /girl who is good at
engineering and mathematics. If your colleagues or classmates treat you as
she-man, it is important to remember they are just playing out the stereotypes
due to their social conditioning. Remind them gently, but firmly, who you are.